Um. OK

So, here goes. This whole blogging thing makes me sorta nervous, but then I realized that the only people who will see it already know most of my shit anyway. I have NO CLUE how this all works so bear with me. Or is it "bare" with me? I never know.

I'm a mom. Sometimes, that still surprises the shit out of me. I love my babies. I love them with every thread of my soul, I even love them in my dreams. But there are times when I totally am astounded that I am a mother. I mean it was always my dream and all that jazz, but sometimes I am still caught up in being a young girl in my 20's. I wanna slap myself and go, "Dude, you're somebody's MOM."

Last night I was looking at my hands and I was thinking,"weird. These are the hands of a freakin' mom." I have held my babies when they were fresh out of my own body. I have burped, tickled, and even scolded with these hands. I've cleaned shit off these hands without gagging and throwing up. I've even scraped said shit out from under my fingernails. That was fucking sick. But as a mom, you are forced to do it cheerfully, or at least without complaining too much. These hands have wiped my babies noses barehanded and then wiped them on my jeans. These hands have dried my own tears when I am so worried about my babies I think I might puke. The same hands that have dialed my mom, or my sister of one of my BFF's to beg for advice or to rant and rave.

Last week while we were at my mom's, I watched her hands wipe my three year old's bottom and help her get re-dressed. I also grimaced and watched as my mom used her hands to clean and bandage a minor wound on my three year old, Josie. I've always been fascinated with her hands. They are large and really strong. Uh, some Seinfeld fans might even call them man-hands. She won't argue. I have my mom's fingernails and most likely her hands.

I was just stroking Katherine's teeny, little 8 month old fingers while she sleeps in my arms. Her nails are no bigger than a half a corn kernel. I could kiss and hold those little fingers all day. They are so delicate and feminine. These little fingers that tug and pull on me as I nurse her. The little fingernails that will leave minuscule little scratches on my boobs during the night if I don't routinely cut them. HAnds that have just recently learned to clap. How can she be clapping already? I thought she was just born on Tuesday!

And Josie's hands, oh Lawsie do not get me started on those chubbers. Her fingers still have that little carrot look. You know, where the base is so much bigger than the little tip. And she points with her middle finger, which completely cracks me up. Her hands are growing up along with the rest of her. I hate it and I love it at the same time. Thankfully, her hands seem to growing a bit slower than the rest of her. And her hands are the pretty shade of light brown. Her skin is so lovely. Oh, AND she now bites her fingernails, EW. It totally makes me cringe. Sometimes we paint her fingernails, she loves it. And now her hands have started to ever so slightly become a help to me.

Heaven help me, my chilluns are growin' up.