How do rectify a bad situation? How do make it better with someone you love when you're just not jiving or even openly disagreeing with them?
I've been sitting here for a few days wondering how to make things better between me and someone I care deeply about. It's not James, not to worry there. I know how to make things better with him. Actually I always thought I knew how to make things better with this other person, too but now I am not so sure. I tried talking to her but she just got super defensive and shot me down. BTW, it is no one who reads this blog. She doesn't even know this blog exists. She would be appalled, I'm sure.
I feel like the end of an era is near. We are blood related so I know that our relationship will not disappear entirely, but I just have this sinking feeling that the closeness we have experienced most o f our lives is dissipating. It's breaking my heart. Especially since Josie thinks of her as a hero, and I more than adore her children. I think I just need to learn to distance myself and not have any high expectations of her or our relationship. It hurts me deeply but it's not like it's a death or something completely tragic.
Blah, I hate being a downer. Shitfuckshitfuckass. Meh, now I feel a little better.
It's been a while since I last blogged, a lot has gone on but apparently nothing worth really mentioning now......
I found a super easy recipe for dutch babies and they're pretty awesome, easy and cheap. But not low fat or low carb. I was thinking for my girls on Atkins that they might be low carb but they have flour in them, bummer. I was on Atkins a hundred years ago when it first came out. I never fucking felt worse in my whole life. I couldn't eat bacon for YEARS after that. But I think they have made a TON of improvements on it in recent years. My girls who are on it talk about it and it definitely makes more sense than the Atkins I was on.
I don't have any resolutions, I always fail those motherfuckers in about 6 days. I am trying to not have any grandiose plans but welcome the years blessing with an open heart. (I totally stole that from one of my favorite blogs!) One other thing I am trying to do is not make everything all about me all the time. To not take every little thing personally and not rely on the perpetually un-fucking-reliable. I hate, hate, hate, HATE being disappointed. So, if I don't expect people to be there for me, I won't be hurt when they aren't.
Thank fucking GOD for the Internet and the relationships I have there or I would be totally up Shit Creek.
3 comments:
Aw, Jode...I tell myself that all the time. I rationalize how unfair it is to other people that I have these expectations, but then I have no way of not having them. It's the optimist in me.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I totally understand.
I'm glad you did blog. <3
Honestly, I think it's just a phase and you are going to get through it closer than ever. I don't think relationships like that ever dissolve. I counsel patience. :-) I know it's not your strong suit. Be patient with her and with yourself. Your feelings are your feelings and it's okay to feel how you do. Like you said before, remember how it felt to be in a new relationship and all in love. It makes you nuts for real.
I can't believe how misunderstood Atkins is. It's totally not about bacon (I wish it was!). It is about eating healthy carbs and fresh (not processed) food and cutting out sugar. It's not license to eat as many cheeseburgers as you want (unfortunately because I could put away six of those mo fos in one sitting).
So far, I'm feeling great.
My usual - don't future trip.
It's just uncomfortable right now. Today. Have faith in your relationship. It doesn't need to be better right away. Give it a little time and space - it can heal. Be patient with it and with yourself.
With love all things are possible.
:)
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