Thankful

I think there must be some sort of American law to write a post about how grateful you are for shit the night before Thanksgiving. Or you have to go around the table and say it. I hate that. It makes me feel like I've been put on the spot. Plus, I always want to say family and friends and it ALWAYS gets chosen first. I always seem to be last and all the easy ones have already been said. Like good health, friends and family, blessings, etc. So, I'm stuck going..."Uh....Uh....um......my deodorant!" And then everyone gags.

Oops. I got off track.

This is what I'm grateful for right now.

~My babies and their good health. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.

~My husband. Even though right now, I'm slightly butt hurt because he snapped at me. He also works hard and helps out, and puts up with my endless bullshit on a daily basis. He's probably going to be sainted for putting up said bullshit, it's that severe.

~Our house. I still love it and hope that we stay here for many, many years. *cross your fingers*

~My camera. By far my most favorite material possession. By FAR. (Please baby Canny, don't get your feelers hurt when I upgrade, I'll still keep you around.)

~Chocolate. Need I say more? I thought not.

~My family, even when they drive me nuts, I wouldn't have it any other way.

~Coffee. I might perish without you, my dear friend.

~Speaking of dear friends, my BFF's. You know who, you know why, you know where. Love to you all.

~My bewbs. What can I say? They feed my baby and keep me warm.

~Reality TV. I should feel shame but I do not. Fuck it.

~Pioneer Woman. I love the shit out of that gal.

~Facebook. Whatever, the only people who read this blog already fucking know it, so why not just come clean.

I could go on and on...Almost as long as I could about my pet peeves.

Words

There are some words I hate. OK, maybe hate is a bit strong. maybe irritated by is a better way to put it. I have a bad attitude about a lot of things but I was thinking last night about words that describe "overweight". Blah, I hate them all. They all sound so.....Fat and u-g-l-y.

Some examples....

Chunky. Yeah, chunky just sounds really blocky and big and clumsy. Or like peanut butter or poop. I think "chunky" is definitely better fitting for a boy.

Chubby. Chubby is the more rolly-polly version of chunky, perhaps the more feminine version of the chunkster. Chubby is a little less offensive because it has a bit more of a baby connotation, right. Chubby can be cute, if used appropriately. I mean, it has no place on date night with your husband after you've given birth to two babies and you never had a stellar baby to begin with.

Pudgy. Pudgy is a gross one. Pudgy might even smell like ass. So, not only are you a bit f-a-t but now you probably stink as well. Not a good combo. Pudgy could me a masculine description, too....Huh...maybe not. I don't know if Pudgy has a 'gina or a peen. Pudgy probably wears lots of neutral colors and sensible shoes. The female pudgy wears mom jeans and a fanny pack. The male version pulls his dockers up waaaaay too far and has Velcro shoes or sandals with socks. <----NEVER a good thing.

Voluptuous . I'm on the fence with voluptuous because it has such a sexy, hot-mama reputation. Buuuuut, there are some gals out there using it who are about 70 lbs past voluptuous, let's just be honest here. Jessica Rabbit is voluptuous. Roseanne Barr pre-surgery, is NOT. However, voluptuous knows how to wear great shoes, has cute hair and probably has a hot boyfriend. And she more than likely loves herself.

Full-Figured. *sigh* As opposed to what? Half-figured? Almost full? I picture some 6ft tall, 200lb powerful woman when I think of full figured. I also think it might be a more feminist friendly way of saying f-a-t. I could be wrong. Like, "I am fucking FULL FIGURED, motherfucker, whatcha gunna DO about it? I will STOMP on you with my size 12 feet and whap you in the face with my Playtex 18 hour bra, bitches!"

Plus sized. Oh you poor thing, plus sized, you really try to help a gal out but you still sound a little shameful. Like when you walk into a Macy's (gag) and your eyes search out the "PLUS SIZED" section only to find the two racks full of lunch lady type clothes. Oh yeah, it's great, elastic waists, polyester pants in eggplant. <---HOT. Cardigan sweaters with appliqued apples or school buses or the current holiday. Full-sized is a fashion failure. Sorry, it just is.

Disclaimer: I have at one time or another been all of these. I'm not being a hater, I'm speaking from experience.

Small Confessions

1. I love country music and Taylor Swift. I could go on and on about why I think she is such a stand-up young lady, and a talented songwriter but I don't want to waste the time, yo.

2. I eat and ADORE white rice, plain old, super bad for you, white rice. I could eat it with beans and cheese and salsa or with butter and salt and pepper or just soy sauce. Love it.

3. I really have no clue what is going on in the middle east or the Sudan but I could give you a detailed synopsis of almost every reality show on TV. Or at the very least, I could talk about it.

4. I don't cloth diaper because I am too lazy. Well, now I am probably too poor as well, but really it's due to sheer laziness.

5. My baby is still in her jammies and at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I'm not getting her dressed. No lie.

6. I really believe I have the best babies on earth.

7. Of all the things I've "cut down on" since our own personal Great Depression began, its the little things I miss most. Like getting my eyebrows waxed or good make-up. *sigh*

8. It makes me really sad to discover that people do not change.

9. I still LOVE Christmas. I get excited like I did as a young child. I cannot wait to see Josie's face. (And its going to be a mostly homemade Christmas).

10. I hate that if I express my love for the Holidays people think its all about consumerism. Nope, I just love the uninterrupted time with my family and the good food and laughter that goes with it. You can suck it.

11. I wish I was better at Internet stalking.

Its a heartache

I was driving home yesterday and a song came on the radio. Shocker, I still listen to the radio, I know. So, this song is one that I listened to when I was 19 years old and so in love with my boyfriend. I don’t know, I guess it was our song or something equally as cheesy. *gag* But the song put a little smile on my face for that silly 19 year old girl who thought this boy was the shit. I thought he was so intriguing and different and new and all that other crap that is appealing to a sophomore in college. I was in my first apartment after living in the majorly nerdy dorms and he was my neighbor. Oh *sigh* how romantic. *vomit*

The boy and I stayed together for nearly four years and he broke my heart. Gently broke it, but it was broken nonetheless. You know the same old song and dance, he just didn’t love me the way he should he loved me like a brother. Whoa, ouch..and a little creepy. Of course, looking back it was all for the best. I sorta hate to even remember that silly girl who dated the heavily granola-y dude. I know that it probably "made me who I am today" and I have no regrets and all that jazz. But I do have regrets. I regret letting myself be "that girl". The girl who gets dumped and pisses and moans about it when I knew it wasn't something even wanted to last.

I was thinking as I was driving in the warm autumn sunshine my two girls safely strapped in the backseat of my car, that someday they would have broken hearts. It was such a profound, shocking thought. I'm no dumbass who thought her children would just float through life never having hardships or struggles. But the thought of some boy shattering their little hearts was something I hadn't prepared myself for.

My mind started racing. How could I protect them adequately but not shelter them too much? How do I help them recognize a nerdy jerk or a loser? Or even WORSE - an abusive man? How do I help them have the strength to not put up with that fucking shit for a fucking minute? I need to remember to tell them it's not cool to just give yourself away just because a boy promises you he'll be there. I need to tell them that being in love doesn't mean changing yourself and trying to become what he wants you to be. SHIT- how do I help them to remain true to themselves and their own dreams? Seriously, I was near panicking at this point. I kept going over my first loves in my mind, what words would have saved me? What conversations could have taken place when I was 12 or 13 or even at 7 or 8 that would have saved me from heartache?

Then, it dawned on me. Huh. I (like most every other person in the world) had to learn it the hard way. I had to learn by having my heart stomped and my pride shaved how to stand up for myself. I had to learn through difficult trial and error that the choices I make affect how I feel about myself. I had to hit my own pits of despair to know my won strength. And I'm no He-Man, I'm certainly not the strongest female I know, by any means. But I'm strong enough. I wonder if I would be if someone had managed to "save me" from heartache.

I really think not.

Still, I am going to do my best to make sure they make as few as my mistakes as possible. Ah shit, I hope they don't make WORSE mistakes. Great. Now, I'll never sleep again. Fuck.

Sometimes I don't think

I open my mouth and just let it flow. I, of course, think I am merely being honest but I have learned that sometimes it is hurtful. That sucks. I mean, it really, really sucks for the person whose feelings have been hurt but it sucks to be the meany butt, too. Its kinda like biting and toddlers. You think it's the worst thing ever when your one year old gets bit by another child. Until your child then turns around and bites someone else.

I hate the feeling of unwittingly hurting someone I care about. Now, I don't have a helluva lot of remorse if I intentionally do it but if its on accident, I feel shame. (Remember that from Borat?) Thankfully, most of the people in my life are much better people than me and have gracefully accepted my stumbling, rambling apology. That's fucking class, dude....And I mean it. I'm a pretty lucky gal to have such radical friends in my life. And to think that some of the very, very MOST important have never seen my elf ears in real life or clinked wine glasses with me over a shared joke. Someday, ladies, someday.

What else is shaking?

I just had the MOST hilarious conversation with my sister, Jenny. She is taking care of our Grandma's dog and house sitting. Grandma's dog is her baby and he's a pretty good dog but he is stressed and missing her. Apparently, the stress is manifesting itself in SHIT. Like diarrhea one day and then constipation the next. Jenny is not a dog person, and she has had do get pretty down and personal with this pooch. Like doing things for him that really only a mother dog should do. *shudders* I have half a mind to share the nasty details, but that really you will all most likely puke. And I fucking HATE puking. Ew.